What is anger?
Updated: Aug 24
The emotion of anger sometimes seems to 'explode', leaving you with this sense that it came from no where. However, this is mostly never the case. Anger is something that can build slowly overtime and outside of our awareness. As anger can often catch us off guard, it is useful if we can recognize the warning signs of anger, what triggers the emotion, and know more about how to recognize and cope with it. Some of the common biological changes you may notice while feeling anger are: muscles tightening, teeth clamping together, hands clenching, feeling your face flush or get hot, feeling like you're going to explode, being unable to stop tears from coming, wanting to lash out at someone, either yelling at them or even physically harming them.
Anger is sometimes known as "a secondary emotion" meaning it can be seen on the surface but often is the reaction to a primary emotion such as hurt, fear, or sadness. Someone might feel hurt but lash out with anger in response, making the underlying emotion the actual issue. What makes people use anger in these instances? Sometimes anger is a more acceptable emotion than other emotions such as sadness or fear. A person might express anger to mask emotions that can cause them to feel vulnerable or weak. Anger can appear strong and make a person feel powerful, even though deep down they could be feeling scared or hurt. Many of us pick up life-long habits related to anger when we're children, based off the examples set by our parents. We can learn that emotions are bad as they show weakness and are therefore encouraged to hide or ignore them.
What causes anger?
Anger triggers are people, places, situations, and things that set off our anger. These triggers can provide clues about the emotions behind your anger. Anger may be fueled by different emotions at different times, or by a combination of things. Sometimes, however, anger is just anger. Often times certain prompting events cause us to feel anger, such as:
Having an important goal blocked
You or someone you care about is attacked or threatened by others
You are losing or have lost power, status, or respect
Having things not turn out as expected
Physical or emotional pain
Anger can often also be a result of a trauma trigger. When one is reminded of a trauma, the nervous system reacts as though the old danger is happening right then and there. Whatever reminds your brain of the trauma, whether it be a person, place, tone of voice, facial expression, being criticized, loss of control, or a particular smell, the brain detects the threat even before you can consciously process it. Your body goes into a survival response to activate the nervous system's "fight, flight, or freeze" system. Anger is associated with the fight response and will release adrenaline and cortisol, making your body ready to act. Fear, helplessness, vulnerability and shame can be very painful to bear and so anger temporarily replaces those feelings with something that feels more powerful.
As a trauma therapist I have talked with many clients who have come to see me for "anger issues". Upon further discussion with them it became clear that they didn't have anger issues at all, but a very sensitive trauma response, showing up as anger. Whether the client had a court-ordered request for "anger management" therapy, or a partner who was begging them to be a more patient parent - the anger was not the issue, the unresolved trauma was what needed to be addressed. In these cases I looked into the situations that caused my clients to feel anger or even rage. These moments turned out to be similar to or had in one way or another triggered fear or a defensive response to past traumas. I was able to help them identify the core traumas and use ART in order to resolve them, leaving them no longer susceptible to such anger outbursts.
A trauma-related anger can sometimes feel disproportionate to the immediate threat or situation. The intensity is not necessarily about what is happening now, but what the person's interpretation of the current situation. Someone may genuinely feel furious without realizing that underneath the anger they are scared, rejected, powerless or reminded of something painful. A helpful way to understand this type of situation is to ask yourself, "Why am I so angry?" or "What am I worried about, or scared will happen?"
Everyone experiences anger and it is a completely normal and healthy emotion within limits. It is important to know that anger is just as important as our positive emotions and has important information for us. Feeling anger is simply a way that our brains tell us that something is not right and needs to be fixed. Ignoring our anger will just magnify the emotion and it will 'get louder' until we listen to it. People express their anger through words, actions, art, and many other healthy ways. How might you express your anger in a healthy way? And, what might happen if you never expressed your anger?
Is the anger you are experiencing perhaps a result of unresolved trauma? Reach out today to find out!
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