Holly Lamb, LCSW
Therapy for Couples and Relationships
Our relationships can be one of the greatest sources of connection, meaning, and joy - but they can also cause our deepest pain. You may be frustrated at the repeated arguments with your partner and fed up with the feeling of "going in circles" with them - never truly resolving anything. You might be feeling misunderstood by your partner or struggling to communicate and wondering why the connection you once shared feels so different. Unresolved trauma often shows up most clearly in our relationships - with partners, family and even ourselves. As your therapist it will be my responsibility to help you resolve those unknown traumas that can be at the root of most of your relationship struggles.
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Do I need couples therapy?
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“Is my relationship struggling, or am I the problem?”
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“Can things get better?”
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“Why do I keep having the same arguments?”
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“Why do I feel disconnected from my partner?”
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“Why do I keep getting stuck in the same patterns?”
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“Do I need individual therapy or couples therapy, or both?”
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Sometimes the challenges we experience in relationships are connected to patterns we’ve carried for years – ways of coping, communicating, protecting ourselves, or seeking connection. Accelerated Resolution Therapy is best way to discover these deeply held, ineffective habits and create more effective behaviors to resolve relationship stressors.
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The goal of couples therapy
The goal of therapy for couples is not to determine who is right or wrong, but to create a space to understand the patterns, emotions, and potential negative core beliefs that may be contributing to conflict or disconnection.
Therapy with me can help you address :
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Communication difficulties
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Recurring conflict
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Emotional distance
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Trust concerns
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Life transitions
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Parenting stress
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Feeling unheard or misunderstood
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Differing needs and expectations
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Anxiety or self-doubt affecting relationships
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What are the main core contributors to relationship problems?
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Shame - Shame is the intensely painful feeling where we fear that if someone sees who we truly are, they will no longer want to love us, connect with us, or respect us. Shame is a universal emotion that everyone experiences and is directly correlated to depression, anxiety, addiction, suicidality, and the breakup of relationships. Connection is what brings meaning to our lives and is absolutely vital for human survival. Knowing that shame can destroy our connections with others, it is important to understand shame, how past experiences or traumas have contributed to shame, and how to be more resilient to shame on a day-to-day basis.
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Negative core beliefs - A negative core belief is a deeply held belief about ourselves, others, or the world that has been unknowingly reinforced over time. That person's truth has been strengthened as a result of possible difficult life circumstances. This can be so deeply held that people tend to interpret situations as a reinforcement of that belief and refuse to believe otherwise, regardless of all the evidence to the contrary. For example, perhaps someone was raised in a very critical household and grew up with the belief that the world is mean and punishing. They may have used this belief to keep them safe from being hurt or emotionally abused. They believe being emotionally vulnerable will cause them pain and problems and so they keep their emotional struggles to themselves. Negative core beliefs can play a big role in the underlying issue with couples, whether it be about communication, emotional vulnerability, or ways of dealing with stress.
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Unresolved trauma - Traumatic experiences from your past can directly your relationship with your partner, your family and friends, or even with yourself. Perhaps a stressor in a relationship triggers your memory from a past trauma and your automatic response is to avoid it all together (a very common PTSD response - avoidance). Maybe you are triggered by a memory of sexual abuse, making you numb out and freeze up during intimate moments with your partner. If you feel like you potentially have an unresolved trauma that could be contributing to your relationships, don't wait any longer to contact me!
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What to expect in therapy sessions
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Every relationship brings together two separate lives with two different sets of experiences. It isn't uncommon for relationships to occasionally struggle when those experiences to line up perfectly. Most of the time when couples are seeing cracks in their relationships, their individual foundations could be cracked even before meeting each other. As a couples' therapist, I have found that addressing relationship issues such as communication and emotional connection, to be metaphorically like the "icing on the cake". When the bottom layer of a tiered cake is crumbling and falling apart, putting icing and decorations on the cake won't do much good. Therefore, I take each part of the partnership separately to help them repair their crumbling foundations so that together they can start to work on other issues such communication, conflict management, emotional vulnerability, and problem solving.
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Whether you’re struggling in your relationship or feeling stuck within yourself, therapy can provide a space to slow down, reflect, and create meaningful change by addressing stuck issues with the help of ART.
